Barcelona are champions of europe !

The title says it all, folks. Sorry Manchester United but Barcelona outplayed you all. Pep Guardiola got his tactics right against a far more experianced opponent.

Let’s see some of the pics of a wonderful cup final.

barca fans. Hello ladies

Opening ceremony

 

Starting lineup...yeng..

FIRST BLOOD !! Samuel E'to made Rio Ferdinand look like Snoop Doggy Dogg by using his Cameroon Joga to get past him. Vicious shot, Van Der Sar got a hand to it but it was too powerful. 1-0 Barca. From Cameroon, with love.

2nd half. Barca kept attacking manutd's goal. For a good 10 mins, Manutd could not get out from their half. Xavi hit the post here with a brilliantly executed free kick.

 

Henry goes close here, wasnt for Van der Sar's balls of steel, it would have been 2-0.

 

GOOAAALLL !! 2-0 Barca. A world class cross from Xavi (who had an excellent game throughout) met by the head of Messi. Considering he is only 5"7, he still managed to score with his head. Ferdinand, the world's most expensive defender was made to look like a Newcastle defender AKA Rubbish Defender

messi cant wait to give his boots away. With a dreadful performance like this from Manutd, who needs boots to play against them anyways.

Barca fans celebrating after the final whistle. Barcelona played sexy football while Manutd on the other hand were out of ideas, out of steam and out of luck. Righteous win for Barca. No bad beats this time from Manutd.

Sooong

Dulan

Pep Guardiola is a hero now in Barcelona. Only 38 years old, he has already mastered disco dancing in the ayer and also won the treble in his first season in charge of Barcelona. He has a bright future in the club as long as he keeps Messi in his team and he does not meet Liverpool in any champions league games cause Liverpool will kick Barca's cheap spanish ass all over the pitch

“The best team won today….” -Alex Ferguson-

Classic el-Classico

Oh yes, ladies and gentlemen, it is the Champions League Final that gets people pissing in their pants. A match between Europe’s finest, Liverpo…ooppss sorry my mistake, Manchester United (urgh!) and Barcalona. This year, it wil be held at the Stadio Olimpico in Rome which is home to AS Roma where Francesco Totti is more famous than Silvio Berlusconi, Italy’s prime minister. This highly anticipated cup final will attract more people than the Ben Stiller movie, Night In The Museum II

Buongiorno, I am Francesco Totti and I am prettier than girls. Girls wanna date me, men wanna be me and I take home 20 millions euros a year. When my football career finito, I be male prostitute in Amsterdam. Ciao ciao !

So here’s the lowdown on how these two giants reach the final.

Manutd knocked out Inter Milan, Porto and Arsenal.

Cesc Fabregas of Arsenal. "Sigh, another trophyless year..."

Barcalona knocked out Lyon, Bayern Munich and Chelsea.

Didier Drogba of Chelsea. "I suck? I thought it's we suck?"

 So which side are you on? Let’s see the head to head battle.

Ronaldo Vs Messi

Ronaldo. Professional footballer and "diver". Currently dating Francesco Totti. "You see me smiling? 1 reason, Francesco Totti."

 

Messi. "Wow...Francesco Totti is kinda cute..."

The great battle between Cristiano Ronaldo and Lionel Messi. Two of the world’s greatest magician with more joga than the entire England and Italy team combined, will be dazzling us with their silky skills and a chance to lanyeng in front of cameras. Ronaldo alone gives the lovely ladies a reason to watch footballs, er i mean football.

Thierry Henry Vs Wayne Rooney

Henry. Dejected after receiving news that Totti dumped him after a poor show at halftime. "That son of a bitch left me for Ronaldo !?!"

Rooney. "STOP CALLIN' ME SHREK !!!!!"

Two of the world’s best strikers. One as cool as a cucumber and the other always red as a tomato.

Rio Ferdinand Vs Carles Puyol

Ferdinand. "It's Rio Ferdinand. Not Snoop Dogg, ok?"

Puyol. "wo fuck ?"

Two of the world’s most recognized defenders. Ferdinand is more of a cool, calm and ”I got this shit, mang” defender whereas Puyol is a more aggresive and “Whose legs do I break?” kind of uumm dude.

Ferguson Vs Guardiola

Guardiola. Disco dancing while complaing about an offside goal.

Ferguson. "WHERE THE FUCK IS MY CHEWING GUM ?!?!?"

Ferguson is the most successful manager around and his Manutd team has not lost in a Champions League Final before. May not live long due to chewing gum poisoning/overdose. Guardiola is a former Barcalona player. Only 38 years old but has already led Barcalona to a La Liga title, Spanish Cup and maybe a Champions League trophy. Fancies disco dancing.

So whose side are you on? Who will emerge as Champions of Europe? Manutd are the defending champs but history is against them as no team has ever successfully defended their crown. Experiance it all tomorrow at 1.30 pm on Channel 36 ESPN on your Mediacom cable.

“This city has 2 great teams. Liverpool and Liverpool Reserves.” -Bill Shankly-

“Some people believe football is a matter of life and death…it is much, much more important than that.” -Bill Shankly-

“You can have the top stars to bring the attention, you can have the best stadium, you can have the best facilities, you can have the most beautiful project in terms of marketing and all this kind of thing. But if you don’t win… All the work these people are doing is forgotten.”  -Jose Mourinho-

“Whoever invented football should be worshipped as God.” -Hugo Sanchez-

“The person that said winning isn’t everything, never won anything.” -Mia Hamm-

“Some people tell me that professional players are soccer slaves. Well, if this is slavery, give me a life sentence.” -Bobby Charlton-

Poker, A true underdog story

It was on a Sunday night before we become slaves to the hectic summer classes schedule that we held a poker tournament in Club 202 cum Casino 202.

We witnessed an underdog, famously known by others as Lanyeng, becoming a true champion in Texas Hold’em.

Lanyeng, who is an honest and humble player, more often than not beaten and knocked out in the early stages of  Texas Hold’em. He has never come close to reaching the last 4, much less winning the tournament. This time around, he comes up against all the best in AMSISU(Assiociation of Malaysians with Serious ISsUes). In the table of 9 players max, Lanyeng’s opponents were:

Kudut. Our very own “professional poker player” and poker brat. Known as Poker Black by Yu based Kudut’s obsession in poker and the black skin inherited from his ever loving father who is of Indian heritage and a Mamak mother with “stacks on deck”. He has never won the tournament before but has won a few small timed poker tournaments in Full Tilt Poker where he plays ever so often and sinned. A player who can “read you like a book” and loves counting odds. Loves naps more than women. Sorry Nicole.

I wanna eat u, kudut !

Yu Senlong. An aggressive and a fiery player by nature. Cunning as a fox. His aggression and guile often makes him a difficult opponent to come up against. Often pushes you in to commit a lot in the pot and trash talks you into folding/calling a raise. Never won a major event in 202 and also plies his trade at Full Tilt Poker where he won quite a few tournaments.

Chris Cheang. An escape artist who is no fatter than a chopstick. Loves to draw and “see card”. The only winner so far in our main event which led to his 2 month ban from the Casino 202. Accused of cheating, corruption and often caught raping men when he chills at Casino 202. Does not play in Full Tilt Poker and hates expensive “buy-ins” (because he cant draw his cards =D).

Ken Yee Tai. Mad, unpredictable, and a Bill Cosby fan. Runs his mouth all the time to put his opponents off. Distracts them with his mad antics and does many crazy plays. No one could really tell if he is bluffing or not. Is a racist and loves disturbing Kudut when Kudut is playing Full Tilt Poker. THHEEEOOOO !!!

I am showing off my number of buy-ins after 30 mins of play

Alex Tew. Feeder extraordinaire. Armed with his trusty Nintendo DS, he annoys most poker players especially Chris Cheang by making them wait for his call. Hardly ever survives after 30 minutes of play time. Can pull off some decent bluffs sometimes. One of the main sponsors of our poker games.

Rawr !

 

Zi Ting Ng. Lost in the final against Chris Cheang.

Ashwin. New player. Loves to play the Jacks and 10s. Made it far in his first ever tournament. A star in the making.

Heng Li. Hardly plays in Casino 202. Originated from a cooler place in Iowa (Des Moines). Has a bromance relationship with Chris Cheang’s brother.

yeah i like hengli and jasmine

 

Lanyeng. Our own T.I. and original gangsta. Humble yet a swagger at the same time. Enjoys disturbing Kudut when Kudut is playin on Full Tilt Poker urging him to make crappy calls and plays. Oh diu…

The tournament lasted for about 4 hours and then it was down to 4 players left (lanyeng, yu, tai and ashwin). Ashwin knocked out Tai with his 2 pairs of Jack 10. Then Yu knocked Ashwin out with an Ace pair when Ash only hit a Jack. At this point, Yu’s chip stack is so high that we can’t even see his face anymore. Yu was favorites to win it all. Lanyeng’s odds of winning it were 1000000000000000000-1. Imba….

After 2 hours of heads up poker, Lanyeng and Yu made a lot of excellent plays. It was tense and tight (just like my ass). Kudut made me the tournament manager/commentator and the Ahmad (driver to send the other players home). We were all shouting everytime there was an all-in moment or a reraise by anyone. I was sweating like a pig from all the excitement. I had to drink a glass of water every other minute otherwise I will shrivel up into a raisin. Kudut and Tai then became professional dealers. They each had a deck of cards with both of them taking turns to deal. That way there is no rest for the weak. Everytime either of them made a mistake in dealing, I, as the tournament manager threatens to hire a rapist (Kenggee, Ng) to rape and murder his wife and make his kids work for me as Las Vegas Girls.

Kenggee, Ng. Casino 202's hired killer and rapist

 

Lanyeng then became chip leader after some moments of madness (I missed it because I send Ashwin home). Yu had a Planters’ Good Instinct Moment. Yu folded a straight when Lanyeng had the Full House.

An example of a good instinct moment

 The moment of truth came when Yu had pocket 8s and Lanyeng had a Jack Ace. Then there was the degree all-in moment. Lanyeng won by hitting a Jack on the flop. AND  THT WAS IT !!! LANYENG IS THE NEW CHAMPION !

Youngest ever poker champion in Casino 202 at a raw age of 20. Saw that Lanyeng face?

 

He won a pot of $35, four packets of ramen noodles (Generously sponsored by a Russian Mongolian named Genghis Tan Wooihauski), Nestle’s Hot Chocolate and 1 can of Campbell Chicken soup with 95% less sodium (Sponsored by the Cute Ji An), Harry Potter book #4 (sponsored by 106), and a Las Vegas girl card (given by Chris’ Mum and if you want the girl to sex u up, it’s $35). The prize money should be more but Tai refused to pay Lanyeng the remaining $2.

Congratulations, Lanyeng for winning. We hope u lose in the future.

“When a man puts his dick in a peanut butter jar, he is fuckin’ nuts !”

-Confucius-